You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
