i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
