i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
