I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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