I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
this hospital has no fireball
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
