I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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