I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
