He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
