i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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