when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
