people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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