All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
