sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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