we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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