we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
