Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
