he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
