Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
