me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
