Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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