I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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