OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
