Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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