i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
