I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
