so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
