My liver just broke up with me...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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