Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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