I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
