Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
