my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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