By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
