I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
