But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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