The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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