Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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