Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
