gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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