i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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