Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
