I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Its about making memories worth repressing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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