I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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