i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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