Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
