just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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