My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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