he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize