evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
