just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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