well you can't waste a boner
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
