i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
