And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
