so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
