I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need help removing her.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
