There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
