im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
