In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
