If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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