I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
