dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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