Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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