That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
