My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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