i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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