blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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