rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
