so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
