How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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