I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
