i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
